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The pursuit of musical excellence is a journey that many musicians embark upon with a fervent desire to achieve perfection. We strive for flawless performances, impeccable technique, and unwavering precision. As an advanced amateur pianist, these are goals to which I too aspire.

But the constant pursuit for perfection and an ongoing desire for perfectionism in one’s music making can be a double-edged sword for musicians. The relentless pursuit of flawlessness can lead to a never-ending, often negative cycle of self-criticism and anxiety. Musicians who set impossibly high standards for themselves may find it difficult to ever feel satisfied with their performances, leading to a constant state of stress and self-doubt. Some may ask themselves, “will I ever be good enough?”

The pursuit of musical mastery is admirable, and indeed the striving for mastery is a major driver of motivation and commitment. However, it is also essential to recognise the significance of know when and accepting that you are “good enough” as a musician. Perfection can be an unattainable goal; acknowledging you are “good enough” is not only perfectly acceptable but can also be liberating and personally fulfilling. It can help musicians to break free from the paralysing grip of perfectionism, allowing them to enjoy the process of making music and to develop as artists and individuals.

My own personal acceptance that I am “good enough” came after I had spent nearly ten years studying for professional performance diplomas, having returned to the piano seriously after a gap of nearly 25 years. Having secured two diplomas with distinction in relatively quick succession, my ego led me to believe that the final, Fellowship diploma was well within my grasp. Unfortuntely, I failed this diploma; the deep disappointment I felt on receiving the news gave me an opportunity to reflect on what I really wanted from my music. I knew I would never be a professional musician, despite playing at an advanced level and receiving external validation from teachers, mentors, peers and audiences, and I knew I was a good pianist. But taking lessons, and attending courses and piano meetup events, where there was a tendency to constantly compare oneself to others of a similar ability, made me question my own abilities in a way which made practicing and music making feel like a chore rather than a pleasure. (And ultimately, as a amateur musician, pleasure should be at the foundation of one’s musical pursuits.)

“You don’t need to go on courses to know you’re good” my ultra-sensible, pragmatic and honest husband told me one day. And he was right. So I learnt to trust my own musical instincts, to recognise the value of what I had to say and to measure it against the music rather than other people – to, as Schumann said, “…converse more with scores than with virtuosi” – to recognise my own autonomy as a musician, and accept that I am “good enough”.

The result has been liberating. I no longer care what other people are playing, at what level they play at, or what repertoire they are working on. I play the music I want to play, and I’ve stopped beating myself up if I don’t practice every day (another joy of being an amateur is not feeling beholden to one’s instrument and muse every single day).

So why should you, as a musician, accept that you are “good enough?”. Here are some thoughts on the subject:

Embracing Individuality

Every musician possesses a unique set of skills, experiences, and perspectives. Embracing the idea that you are “good enough” means recognising and celebrating your individuality as an artist. It allows you to focus on your strengths, develop your style, and create a distinctive musical identity. While aspiring to reach new heights and improve is essential, acknowledging your current level of skill and artistry is a valuable step toward authentic self-expression.

Redefining Success

Success in music should not solely be measured by technical perfection or the approval of critics, peers, teachers or audiences. By accepting that you are “good enough,” you redefine what success means to you personally. It can encompass the joy of playing, collaboration with colleagues, the connection with your audience, and the sense of accomplishment from personal growth. This shift in perspective encourages a more holistic and fulfilling musical journey.

Reducing Performance Anxiety

The fear of making mistakes and the pressure to be flawless on stage are very common triggers for performance anxiety in musicians. Accepting that you are “good enough” can significantly alleviate this anxiety. When you recognize that making mistakes is a natural part of the learning process and that it does not diminish your worth as a musician, you can perform with greater confidence, freedom and enjoyment.

Sustainable Motivation

Constantly striving for perfection can lead to burnout. On the other hand, acknowledging that you are “good enough” can provide you with a sustainable source of motivation. The satisfaction derived from setting achievable goals, making incremental but noticeable progress, and celebrating small victories can keep you inspired and committed to your musical journey over the long term.

In conclusion, accepting that you are “good enough” is not a sign of complacency nor mediocrity. It is a testament to self-compassion, personal growth, and a healthier perspective on the art of making music. Embracing your current level of skill and artistry while still aspiring to improve can lead to a more fulfilling, enjoyable, and sustainable musical journey.

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As a pianist, do you suffer from “MUSTerbation”?

The term was coined by American psychologist Dr Albert Ellis, the father of Cognitive Behavourial Therapy. It is a cognitive trait often present in people who are maladaptive perfectionists, who strive to achieve unattainable ideals or goals, and is a classic recipe for general anxiety and unhappiness.

“Musterbators” live by a set of inflexible, highly polarised beliefs, such as

I MUST do well and be treated with respect, or it is AWFUL and I can’t bear it

Is your piano playing and music making driven by ‘must‘ and ‘should‘ and ‘ought‘? Maybe you regularly make statements to yourself and others like:

  • I must practise
  • I should be practising
  • I ought to be practising
  • I have to practise

– and feel guilty and angry with yourself when you don’t act upon them

Such statements demonstrate a very inflexible and unrealistic mindset, and leave musterbators feeling angry, frustrated and resentful (of self and others) if they fail to fulfil a “should have” activity – such as piano practise.

Known as “categorical imperatives,” these shoulds, oughts, musts and have to’s create unrealistic and over-generalised absolutes. If we don’t stop to look objectively at these inner statements, we become enslaved by them. In addition, when we think we should be acting in a certain ‘ideal’ way, we create a judgmental Inner Critic and a part of us puts pressure on ourselves to follow these rules. We then feel guilty and depressed when we don’t. This often leads to strong feelings of guilt, self-hatred, anxiety and depression, and to procrastination, withdrawal, and obsessing about what has been (“I should have practised more”).

“The tyranny of the shoulds.”

– Karen Horney

Such feelings can be deeply inculcated in us and often stem from parental pressures when we were children (“You should be practising!”) or from teachers, for example. We carry these behavourial traits with us into adulthood and may not even be aware of how much they impinge on our day-to-day life.

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Most pianists – professional or amateur – know they should practise, and most know that regular, focused, and intelligent practise leads to noticeable progress and deep learning. An important part of the practise process is retaining a sense of creativity, curiosity, spontaneity and experimentation. These aspects prevent practising from turning into mindless note-bashing and encourage us to find joy and excitement in our music making. There’s not much joy or vibrancy in a mindset which is continually under the sway of the tyranny of the should, and a whole lot of dissatisfaction and resentment. Unfortunately for musicians, much of formal musical training is geared towards the pursuit of perfectionism, even though perfectionism is an artificial construct and an unattainable goal.

As a musician, such obsessive perfectionist behaviour can stifle musical growth and creativity. The musterbator sets unrealistic or unachievable goals and then feels angry or depressed when such goals are unfulfilled. Musterbators worry excessively about mistakes, they dislike uncertainty, fear negative evaluation by others (teachers, peers, colleagues), and feel frustrated by the gap between what you expect of yourself and your current level of achievement/ability. The musterbatory mindset can lead to over-practising which in turn can lead to injury or greater susceptibility to injury, as well as feelings of low self-esteem and self-loathing, and resentment towards the instrument.

In 2016, when I was working towards my Fellowship performance diploma (a high level professional assessment/qualification), I found myself indulging in musterbatory behaviours, though I wasn’t aware of the term at the time and did not really recognise my obsessive perfectionist attitude as being anything other than taking a “professional” approach to my practising and study. I have always enjoyed practising, I know how to practise productively, and I work best when I have a clear focus or end goal. These attributes are not negative in themselves. My self-imposed practise schedule was such that I would be at the piano by 8am and would schedule at least 3 hours practise into each day. I felt I needed to practise every day and if I missed a day, I berated myself for lack of focus. I think it is important to note at this point that I am not a professional concert pianist and I did not, and do not, need to work at such a concentrated level day in day out. There were periods of time when I felt very angry with myself for not making greater progress and several occasions when I felt I had a reached an immovable impasse with the music (Schubert’s penultimate piano sonata). On these occasions, the piano, which resides in my living room, became a negative presence looming over me, reminding me of my failings. In addition, I suffered several bouts of extremely painful tendonitis and developed a shoulder problem which has still not been fully resolved. There were many times during the process when I felt deeply dissatisfied and disappointed with myself, that I was “not good enough” and I was ready to give up. On reflection – and I took 4 months away from the music after failing to pass the diploma to do some serious re-evaluation – I can now see that my personal unhealthy perfectionism, my “musterbation” was actually harming my relationship with the piano and my enjoyment of music, in addition to causing harm to my body and my emotional well-being.

Fortunately, it is possible to reframe one’s way of thinking to escape the tyranny of the shoulds and the musterbatory mindset. Not all perfectionism is negative, and unlike the musterbator, the “adaptive” or “self-oriented” perfectionist derives “a sense of pleasure from their labors and efforts, which in turn enhances their self-esteem and motivation to succeed…….Self-oriented perfectionists may then use their pleasure in their accomplishments as encouragement to continue and even improve their work“*

Of course, you cannot achieve perfection and you kind of get paralyzed, so you have to find equilibrium between the possible—what’s realistic and what is ideal.

– Yo-Yo Ma, cellist

These “healthy” perfectionists set themselves realistic goals and high personal standards which are achievable. They enjoy the process of striving, have a strong sense of personal autonomy and self-determination (“I choose to….” instead of “I must”), and notice incremental/marginal gains as well as larger achievements, and feel good about them. This in turn encourages greater effort and further achievement. In piano practise, this attitude enables one to regard mistakes as learning tools, to be imaginative and resourceful about problem-solving (of technical issues, for example), to be positive in self-evaluation and reflection, and be open-minded about critique from others (mentors, peers). The healthy perfectionist finds joy, spontaneity and love in their music making, which leads to greater feelings of satisfaction, self-worth and motivation.

If you find yourself prone to musterbatory traits in your piano practise, it’s probably time to question where this negative way of thinking or behaving has come from and why it must be followed. Are you placing undue pressure on yourself to meet unachievable goals, or maybe the pressure – real or imagined – is coming from an external force, such as a teacher or peers? Query whether this mindset is really benefitting you and your music (does it make you happy? Probably not……) and consider how setting realistic goals may improve your musical progress, your relationship with your instrument and your overall emotional health. It may be necessary to do this in consultation with a sympathetic teacher or trusted colleague.

Only when you banish toxic musterbatory thinking and free yourself from the tyranny of shoulds can you truly rediscover the love and joy of making music.

I practice because I’ve experienced so much love that you practice out of loving a phrase, loving motivic change, loving a structure or harmony change or the way a sound can get to something – Yo-Yo Ma

 

Further reading

The Problem With Perfection

 

*(Kilbert, J.J., Langhinrichsen-Rohling, J., & Saito, M. (2005). Adaptive and maladaptive aspects of self-oriented versus socially prescribed perfectionism. Journal of College Student Development, 46

 

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“Practise makes perfect” – that oft-quoted phrase beloved of instrumental teachers the world over…. It’s a neat little mantra, but one that can have serious and potentially long-lasting negative effects if taken too literally.

Musicians have to practise. Repetitive, committed and quality practise trains the procedural memory (what musicians and sportspeople call “muscle memory”) and leads to a deeper knowledge and understanding of the motor and aural components of the music. Practising in this way leads to mastery and enables us to go deeper into our music so that we become intimate with its myriad details, large and small. Meanwhile, setting ourselves high standards is fundamental to our improvement and continued growth as musicians.

But perfectionism is a human construct, an ideal as opposed to a quantifiable reality, and as such it is an impossibility. No matter how hard you practise the fine motor skills involved in playing a musical instrument there is still no guarantee that you will never make a mistake. Go to a concert by the greatest virtuosos in the world and you will hear errors, if you listen carefully. As human beings we are all fallible, and despite our best efforts, we are subject to things outside our control, no matter how long we spend in the practise room.

Unfortunately, the desire for perfection surrounds us in modern society, and the need to achieve perfectionism is inculcated in us from a very young age. “Getting it right” is drilled into children from the moment they enter the formal education system, where they are continually assessed and tested, where correct answers are rewarded with stickers and other symbols of approval and mistakes are regarded as “wrong”.

As musicians, if we carry the unrealistic ideal of perfectionism into our practise rooms we can easily grow frustrated with our playing if it is not note-perfect. This can lead to perpetual feelings of dissatisfaction, resentment and anxiety about practising and performing. It can put undue pressure on the musician, leading to issues with self-esteem, performance anxiety, and even chronic injury, such as RSI and tendonitis. And the striving for this unrealistic goal can destroy our love of the music we play and rob us of joy, spontaneity, expression, communication and freedom in our music making. In short, it can lead us to forget why we make music.
Perfection is not very communicative

Yo-Yo Ma, cellist 
The “practise makes perfect“, and alongside it the “practise until you never make a mistake” mantras encourage unhealthy working habits which lead to mindless, mechanical practising, which in turn can cause us to overlook crucial details in the music. Perfectionism filters into the subconscious and creates a pervasive, hard-to-break personality style, with an unhealthily negative outlook. It prevents us from engaging in challenging experiences and reduces playfulness, creativity, innovation and the assimilation of knowledge – all crucial activities for a musician. If you’re always focused on your own “perfect” performance, you can’t focus on learning a task. Because by making mistakes we learn.

A mistake can and should lead us to evaluate what we are doing: a misplaced chord or run of notes may indicate an awkward or incorrect fingering scheme – something which can be easily rectified. All errors and slips should be seen as opportunities for self-analysis and critique, resulting in self-correction, adjustment, improvement and progress. Repetitive practising should be more sensibly reassigned the mantra “practise makes permanent” – and it is the permanence, an intimate in-depth knowledge of the music, that comes from intelligent practising which ensures that in performance we won’t be derailed by slips or errors, and that we can continue to perform “in the moment” with creativity, freedom and vibrant expression.

People frequently – and wrongly – equate perfection with excellence. While perfectionism is negative and damaging, excellence, on the other hand, is realistic, achievable and positive. Excellence involves enjoying what you are doing, feeling good about what you’ve learned and achieved, it develops confidence and responsiveness and offers continued inspiration. And by striving for excellence we can stay connected with our artistic muse, our desire to make music, and the overall meaning of that music.