A guest post by the creator of Throwcase blog
Journalists worldwide have been swept off their feet by a flurry of idioms bursting upon the scene. Unwilling to tackle the problem like a rugby player or box of fishing equipment, they have instead long-grassed it, much like the process of photosynthesis that leads inexorably to the growth of grass. As a result of their cloudy-sky thinking and light-switch-behind-the-bed methodology, they have effectively kicked this cup-of-tea problem for six, opening a Pandora’s box of speech figurines.
Police everywhere are asking the public to stay calm. “We’ve blue-skied this as an actionable problem event, and hope to resume going forward as soon as we can. Whatever you do, don’t dimension this, not even a little bit.” Ripping Babushkin, famous music critic and concert promoter, was disturbed by the outbreak. “It is all we can do to keep these horrible expressions contained. Where are the bums on seats? What is a new audience, exactly? How do you curate a creativity hub to dialogue with communities? These are the sorts of things I interrogate, like a detective.”
John Man, journalist and cleaner of think-tanks, has been collaborating inwardly on solving the problem. “This is the iconic problem of our age,” he said, “and I mean ‘iconic’ in the sense of a small Russian painting of religious significance unadorned with the illusion of three-dimensional perspective but rather infused with the direct embodiment of the Light of Tabor. We must deliver a vision, or something.”
Now that these phrases are running amok, we can expect to see a lot more men in tweed jackets strolling across fields intoning the word “flourished” while discussing some shit like poetry in the middle ages or Flemish steel-craft. “It’s a diarisable phenomenon for the collective for sure,” said Sally McNally, as she drank her latest edition of totemic, artisanal coffee. “Things like this give us many learnings.”
Police are urging people to approach the idioms cautiously, if it all. “There are just so many dangerous pleonasms out there,” said Sergeant McGruff. “We urge people not to be caught where the hand of man shouldn’t set feet with its mouth.”
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